A Sudden Realization

So here I was, listening to Imagine Dragons and browsing The Write Practice when I stumbled across a statement that was like an arrow streaking into my very soul. It hit home so hard it took my breath away. In an article discussing five lies that can distract you from your purpose as a writer (namely skepticism, vanity, pride, fear, and doubt), the author makes this comment:

"Slowly, that original desire became distorted until you actually believe your main goal was just to be a bestselling author, when in reality, you wanted so much more. You wanted to change the world."

How did I fall so far? How did I become so afraid of what other people might think, so concerned with writing that elusive, perfect book that I completely lost sight of my original goal? Because I did want to change the world. And maybe that sounds like naive idealism. Maybe that sounds like the dream of a child who hasn't experienced the darkness, the coldness of the real world. Yet it's true. I never wanted fame, I never craved popularity for me or my writings. I wrote because I had dreams to share. I wrote because my characters needed a voice. I wrote because I had stories to tell that could change the world, one reader at a time. 

Today I realized that unless I find my way back to that original hope and desire, I can never tell my story the way it's meant to be written. Unless I get rid of that nagging "but what will they think?" I can never be myself. So goodbye, self-doubt. Goodbye, foolish dreams of fame and fortune. This is me, making my way back to who I genuinely am and the stories I truly have to share.